What Could've Been
by Ahoy-Cinderella
Summary: COIRA / Moira and Cain have an unexpected heart-to-heart when keeping baby Moses overnight to give Debbie and Pete a break.


_well, hello. me again.  
Here's another Coira one shot for you all because I couldn't get this idea out of my brain.  
I may have fucked with the timeline a wee bit, so everyone knows Ross is Moses' dad.  
_

 _please please please let me know what you think! I love writing Coira cos lets face it, they are my king and queen._

 _but theres no point in writing if no-one is reading or enjoying it so please let me know._

 _Leave a comment below._

 _love you's._

* * *

 _So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light_  
 _'Cause oh that gave me such a fright_  
 _But I will hold as long as you like_  
 _Just promise me we'll be alright_

 _._

"Remind me why the hell we said yes to keeping him?" Cain grumbled and rolled over in bed, the covers shuffling around the exhausted couple as the piercing cries of the newest member of the Dingle/Barton clan made his presence known.

"Because Debbie needs a break" Moira replied with a yawn, she reached down and pushed her husbands arm away from its usual place around her hips and pulled the covers back, flinching as her bare feet touched the cold wooden floor of their bedroom.

The travel cot was set up at the end of their bed and contained baby Moses who was making it very clear he was unhappy about something. The newborn baby boy made his grand and completely unexpected entrance into the world just eight weeks ago; Charity having given birth and calling Debbie to the hospital, and more demanded than asked that she be the baby's guardian until she was released from prison.

"Come on, wee man" Moira's voice was smooth and hushed, hoping her soothing voice would help calm the unhappy boy. "What's the matter with you, eh?" She held the baby close to her chest, his head resting in the crook of her neck as he continued to cry, his tiny limbs kicking and punching against her showing his discomfort.

Cain and Moira had agreed to keep baby Moses overnight for two nights to give Debbie and Pete some much needed rest, trying to juggle an over active toddler and an inquisitive young girl as well as a newborn baby was taking its tole on the couple. Sarah constantly wanted to help with Moses; as much as Debbie had appreciated the help, the youngster was more often than not just making things more difficult where as Jack was missing the attention he usually received being the baby of the household.

Moira gently hummed a tune to herself and the little one, slowly bouncing him against her as she waited for the bottle to warm. Debbie had mentioned how he was now only waking once or twice in the night but other than that he was good as gold, which Moira herself found to be true. Having had the baby for most of the day she had realised how calm and relaxed he seemed to be, especially when compared to her own babies when they were the same age.

Holly was loud and demanding as a baby, constantly screaming and crying, barely sleeping for the first year and a half of her life. Having had her at such a young age Moira had lived in constant fear that she had made the biggest mistake of her life having a child, fearing that she was a terrible mother, but then Adam came along and she realised quickly that she wasn't a terrible mother, it was just her babies had inherited her fiery, Scottish temper. Both her son and daughter had been difficult babies, but by the time they hit two, it was over and they were the happiest toddlers around, Hannah however, had been almost the complete opposite. The youngest of the Barton family had been a very chilled baby, barely crying unless she needed changed or fed, just content with watching the world go by. Until she hit the 'terrible twos', she became a whirlwind of chaos for the young family.

But right now Moira was focused on another child, the one that was that of her husband's ex, her stepdaughter's new half brother, her nephew's son...Never did she think she'd be here, standing in her kitchen at half past god knows what time in the morning trying to sooth the newborn baby of Charity Dingle and Ross Barton. She was convinced the situation couldn't get any weirder.

She brushed her fingers through her dark, bed messed hair and quickly tested the temperature of the bottle before gently offering it to the grizzly baby. She couldn't help but smile when Moses looked up at her with wide eyes as he quickly guzzled down his feed.

"There we go, little one." She smiled and held him a little tighter "Happy now?"

As she wandered into the living room, Moira failed to notice the figure of her now fully awake husband standing in the bedroom doorway. Cain watched with fascination as his wife managed to calm the tiny baby, sitting on the couch, wrapped in a warm blanket and her arms, little Moses seemed as happy and content as anyone could be.

He would never admit it to anyone - maybe his wife - but never anyone else, that he felt his heart beat faster at the sight of his wife, the woman he loved more than anyone else in the world, comforting the little boy. Watching her interact with a baby gave him a mixed bag of feelings that he wasn't a hundred per cent sure he could handle.

He couldn't help but think that once upon a time this could've been their baby. It wasn't that long ago that the couple had been hit with a completely unexpected pregnancy, a life that sadly wasn't meant to be. Cain had never really made peace with the fact that they had lost a child, even though it had been almost two years and he knew that nothing could change the outcome, it still hurt his heart to even think about it. It was made worse now with a new baby on the scene, one that his scheming ex hadn't even told anyone about yet expected them all to look after.

Cain watched on, captivated by his wife as she fed and softly whispered to the new baby. He didn't want to interrupt but in the end he couldn't help himself, he quietly cleared his throat and walked towards the pair who were now comfortably cuddled up on the couch.

"Is this invitation only or can anyone join?" He smirked, sitting down carefully beside his wife, being careful not to disturb the feeding baby.

Moira gave her husband a sleepy grin and nodded to the space beside her on the couch "I guess we can make an exception for you" She smiled

"Aw thanks" Cain feigned hurt and firmly grabbed her leg to which she gave him a look that could only be described as a glare with a smile

"Don't…" She told him "even think about" He knew she was ticklish and the last thing they needed was him getting handsy and disrupting the now content, Moses.

"He seems happy enough now" Cain nodded towards Moses before softly reaching for the baby's clothe covered foot that stuck out from the pale blue blanket he was currently nestled in.

"Yeah, hopefully when he goes back down he'll sleep through till a reasonable hour" Moira smirked "Will you? Please will you sleep this time?" She smiled down at the little baby who was still staring at her, his eyes wide as he quietly suckled the bottle.

"At least he hasn't woken Noah this time" She added.

"He loves you" Cain smiled "Can't take his eyes of you"

"That's because I'm with one holding the bottle" She replied with a chuckle

"You're so good with him," He said after a few minutes of comfortable silence

"Well, I have raised three of them. I know how they operate" She grinned, carefully removing the now half empty bottle of milk from Moses' mouth.

"Well, this is technically the spawn of Charity and Ross…" Cain pointed out "You never know how he's gonna turn out"

Moira chuckled and slowly shifted the baby boy in her arms to rub his back as he slowly fell back into a slumber. "That's true"

There was more silence between the trio, Cain reached forward and gently rubbed the baby's clothe clad feet, his heart jumping slightly when his wife started speaking quietly to the tiny human in her arms.

"He should've been ours"

Moira's head snapped to face her husband, his eyes trained firmly on the baby boy in her arms. "You…what?" After a few moments of silence she replied, barely able to find words.

"Not him specifically, but…"

"Cain, what are you going on about?" The brunette sighed and rolled her eyes before she shifted Moses to her shoulder, standing from the couch and heading back into their bedroom to lay the little one back into his bed.

She quickly noticed Cain hadn't followed her back into their room so she sorted out baby Moses, making sure he was warm and comfortable before making her way back to the couch. She stopped at the door of the room, watching her husband who now sat forward, his hands covering his face.

"So…" She began "Ours eh? Can you imagine?" She chuckled, trying to joke but it went unnoticed.

Cain looked up at his wife, "Yeah, I can"

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence now; the one early which was calm and peaceful was now slowly filling the room with confusion and angst.

"Cain…" Moira sat down and Cain shifted himself to the edge of the couch

"Don't Moira, just forget I said anything"

"No," She said as Cain stood up "I can't, because you did say it"

"Well, just pretend I didn't"

"It's been two years," She said quietly

"That doesn't make it any better," Cain grunted, "I still think about it. More than I probably should but it doesn't changed anything. We don't have one, Charity does. That's the card that was dealt"

"Is that what this is about?" Moira asked carefully "Charity has a baby so now you should have one? Like some sort of competition?"

"Seriously?" She could see he was angry, his eyes had darkened and his body straightened somewhat. "You think that I'm in some sort of lifelong competition with her? That the only reason our kid should have survived is so I'd have one up on her?"

"No, I didn't mean it like that" Moira sighed and ran her fingers through her dark hair, it was far too early or late, to be arguing at this time.

"Nah of course you didn't…" Cain sighed and sulked his way into the kitchen

"Aw don't start, Cain. Come on."

"No, you know why I feel like this?" Cain stepped towards his wife

"Tell me" She replied quietly, her hands reaching out to his hips only to fall back to her side as he walks away from her.

"That kid in there…complete mistake." Cain said as he pointed back into the bedroom. "A quick fling and he was made and guess what? Charity doesn't care, that kid is just another pawn for her in her stupid games. She'll use him to get money out of Ross or money from somewhere because that's all she cares about. The only thing that matters to Charity is Charity and money."

Moira stood with her gaze on the floor, she knew he was speaking the truth, the baby, currently in their care was more than likely going to be let down time and time again, just like Debbie and Noah.

"Look at what happened when Noah was born, she fucking _sold_ him." He pointed out.

Noah had been staying with them the entire time Charity had been locked away and the three of them had become their own little family, Moira knew that when she was released Charity would obviously want him back but she couldn't pretend it wasn't going to hurt not having him around anymore.

"She doesn't care Moira, about anyone. Family means nothing to her. Debbie practically raised herself all these years! She was thirteen before I even knew she existed." He ranted, "Just look at her now, she was an idiot and got herself jailed and where are her kids? Noah is with us, even he'll admit that you're a better mum to him than Charity ever has been and Moses has been dumped on Debbie, who has enough on her plate as it is! Why should she have another kid? Why did hers survive? Why not ours?"

Moira felt the tears build in her eyes, her head spun with her husbands rant. She knew how he had originally felt about her unexpected pregnancy, she herself had been so unsure about the whole thing, not knowing exactly how it was going to pan out. Her heart was broken when the choice was taken away, she would never admit to him that she had thought about what their child would've been like, what their lives could've been if only she hadn't miscarried.

"Cain…"

"I don't mean it like that," he said, "I'd never wish Moses not be here but you know what I mean? I would've given our kid everything you know?"

"I know," She whispered, wiping a stray tear from her face. "But we can't change anything, Cain"

"God Moira, I know that" He ran his hands over his face "I know nothing changes. Moses is still here, you still…" He pointed towards her stomach and she felt her heart plummet to the floor at the heartbroken look in his eyes.

"Nothing's changed" He said, "Like I said just forget I said anything"

.

They were both back in bed, buried under the covers but neither one asleep. Moira could barely hold back her tears. It had been almost an hour since her husband's admission and her brain was running on overdrive. She was glad he told her how he felt, but it broke her heart to know he felt this way.

He felt cheated out of fatherhood. She had found herself thinking about their baby, which was barely a baby when she lost it; just a mass of cells but still, it was theirs. More now than before, with a new baby on the scene she'd thought to herself what would their baby have been like but to find out Cain was feeling the same made her ache. She hated thinking of him struggling with all of this. Neither of them had properly taken the time to talk things through after the miscarriage. Debbie had gone through her difficult phase with Cameron and Chas and their relationship, while still existing had sort of been put on the backburner while Cain tried to sort out his family.

She rolled over in the dark and pressed her hand against her husband's bed warm back, slowly running up to his neck and back before wrapping her arm around his middle and pressing her body against his back, with no response from him she had convinced herself he had fallen asleep.

"You would've been the best dad to our baby, I don't doubt it for a second." She pressed her lips to his shoulder and cursed herself for letting her emotions get the better of her, a few tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry you never got the chance," She whispered.

Seconds later his hand grabbed hers and squeezed tight before he turned over and pulled her close, his lips finding her forehead in the dark

"Don't you dare apologise." He told her.

"What could've been eh?" She tried to chuckle as a few more tears fell.

"With you for a mum, our kid would've been amazing."

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 **lyrics:** Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford  & Sons

 **twitter:** ahoycinderella

 **Thanks for reading and please leave a review and let me know what you thought!**


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